Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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