Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
