Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
