She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
