gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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