I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he just fucked me for my cheese..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
