please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
