i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
