We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
