let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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