This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
