i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize