about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
