Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
