a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
