dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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