We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
