We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
