I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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