I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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