You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
