What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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