so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
