By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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