thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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