Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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