once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
