i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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