I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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