You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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