Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
