I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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