the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
