I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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