im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
