Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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