I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
