It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
