Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
