her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
