Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
