Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
