the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
