it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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