By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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