we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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