How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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