So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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