I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
