Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just found a bag of teeth...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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