new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
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My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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