So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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