I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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