I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
