if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
