On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
