We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They have beer where we have blood.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
