we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
