I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
