at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
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Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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