Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
