is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
