You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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