i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
