Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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