Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
