I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
