Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
