Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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