How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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