my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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