Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
