I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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