my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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